Today is the start of my new journey

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I have always struggled with my weight on and off but I think I really hit a low point this past year. But now I’m ready to get back on the right track and I hope that by sharing how I feel right now I will be able to help some of you that might be in the same boat.

My mental health has been through a lot in the last few months.

I have been trying to eat healthy for a few years now but sometime around 10 months ago I stopped seeing the effects. My weight has been gradually dropping, slowly but gradually. But then it just didn’t drop anymore. It seems that I have reached the limit of what just eating healthy can do. I was discouraged because it’s not like I changed anything else about my life that might have affected my weight loss. I felt like I was doing everything as I had been up to that point and felt cheated that it suddenly stopped working.

So I said to myself “To hell with it then” and stopped caring about what I eat. I quickly gained 50 pounds that I worked so hard to lose. Funnily enough, for a short while, I actually felt like I had more energy simply because my calorie intake increased. I was moving more and felt really alive.

After about three months I had another mental crisis. A sudden onset of untreated PTSD caused by trauma from my childhood made me shut down. I was apathic all the time and I didn’t let anyone near me. I would not leave my room unless absolutely needed and just lied in the bed all the time, unable to even fall asleep. Naturally, my weight soared again during this time.

Fortunately enough I had people around me who cared for me and wanted me to get better. If it weren’t for my family and friends I would probably be still hiding under the covers of my bed. They convinced me to find a therapist and I know now that it was the best thing I could have done. I had an amazing support system and I didn’t even know it until I really needed it. I am forever grateful to people who stood by me in that difficult time.

Recovery

I was slowly getting better. My weight gain stopped and I was finally able to get some good night’s sleep. I started leaving my house and was active on the weekends.

I combed through the Internet hoping to find some advice from someone who was in a similar situation. Then I found Go Kaleo and I truly consider her to be my savior. Talking with her made me believe that I could change for the better because finally, I had some who would believe in me without even knowing me. It was such a refreshing change. Some other people understand it too. I gained immense inspiration from both Chandelle and Fit Mama Training as well.

These people know how hard it is to feel motivated when you have so much weight to lose, especially when all you see around you are skinny influencers who make weight training seem so effortless. I highly recommend checking them out if you’re looking for a stress-free way to a healthier life.

Do you want to transform your life too? Let’s do this together.

It’s hard not to be skeptical when it comes to weight loss, especially if you tried several different methods already and none of them gave you the results you were hoping for. Story of my life. It’s always the yoyo effect or the temporary bursts of energy just to feel down again due to a diet that’s too restrictive.

It took me many years to finally realize that losing weight is not about finding the magical diet that works for you and trying several different ones one after another. It’s not about forcing yourself to work out even if it literally makes you vomit from the effort.

Now I think that weight loss is not about the goal but about the journey. By putting your mind to it and by creating new good and healthy habits you transform your life into a life you can enjoy without that constant nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that you eat like a pig. And that’s what I intend to do.

First, I need to find a form of activity that will get me moving and one that I enjoy. Otherwise, I’m just going to abandon it after a few tries just like I did with hiking and jogging. These are simply not for me. When I was a child I really enjoyed swimming at the local pool and I want to go back there again. However, due to how my body looks like I never felt comfortable enough to do so. But now I don’t care anymore. I’m going to start regularly swimming as well as taking an aerobics class at the local gym. If I think that they are not for me after all then I will simply stop forcing myself to do these activities and search for something else. I want to become strong enough so that I can play tag with my children at the park.

It’s time to make a change.

Here is my guidebook for the next year:

  1. I will get in at least 45 minutes of activity each day with two 90 minutes sessions per week. It will be an activity I enjoy, not the one that will get me to burn the most fat. Whenever possible, I will try to spend that activity time with my family so that we can bond even more. I will start with walking the dog together.
  2. I will spend more time outside. At least half an hour every day so that I can regularly breathe in the fresh air to clear my mind.
  3. I will eat enough calories to support my activity level, not more and not less. Right now this is about 2500 calories. You need to be honest with yourself, even if you are heavily overweight, that you cannot suddenly cut your calorie intake and expect to reach a healthy weight. Big bodies need more energy and that’s a fact. Ignoring it will lead you straight to bouncing back once you stop dieting and will make you too tired to function properly. Believe me, I learned that the hard way. As I lose weight, my suggested calorie intake might decrease (unless I increase my activity level simultaneously!). You can calculate your recommended calorie intake using simple calculators available online.
  4. I will not restrict my diet. Dieting is not about forcing yourself to eat salads five times a day, it’s about stopping yourself from eating too much. Everything in moderation – yes, even chocolate! I know that my problem isn’t caused by eating too many grains or dairy so I am not going to stop myself from eating them. As long as I am within my suggested calorie intake and the food I eat isn’t processed or filled with unhealthy additives then I will continue to eat it. And I will not hate myself for having an occasional scoop of ice cream or a piece of cake.

As a reference, I use the Metabolism Bundle that has all the information you might need about how metabolism works and how to eat better in a painless way. In the bundle you will find 4 books: Eat for Heat, Diet Recovery, Diet Recovery 2, and 180 Degree Metabolism. I read them all and I found them to be really good value for money!

  1. I will sleep for at least 8 hours every night. The importance of sleep is often overlooked but it is actually crucial to maintaining healthy life habits. Not enough sleep causes problems with metabolism and increases stress. If I cannot fall asleep for some reason then I would rather miss my daily activity session and take a nap rather than force myself to work out despite low energy levels.
  2. I will practice relaxation techniques. Stress is my biggest enemy right now and I will do everything I can to keep it away from me. I will meditate and practice being grateful for what I have. I will keep seeing my therapists and if I feel like I’m slipping I will ask my family for support. I will not stress about the pace of my transformation but rather focus on making the change one small step at a time.
  3. I will keep myself accountable. I will write down my body measurements every month and take before and after pictures. Doing it more often can actually discourage you because you might not see the change you are looking for. I will post regular updates here too.
  4. I will get stronger. That’s the whole point of this transformation. I want my body to be as powerful as my mind is.

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